Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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