I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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