Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Found your dick twin last night
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
