So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
