It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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