fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
