Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
