I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
