Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
