I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
