Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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