You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
