Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
