There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
