I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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