if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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