just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
