i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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