would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
