If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
