I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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