either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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