ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I want a musical about memes.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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