Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He shit in the fireplace
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
