she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
