Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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