are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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