i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
