You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
