He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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