erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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