Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
