where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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