good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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