By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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