Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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