You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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