hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
