Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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