I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
