I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
