would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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