you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
