i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think I am morally bankrupt
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
