I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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