it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
