I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
