just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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