I think my vagina is haunted
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
