Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
