I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
